FIRST FEATURE
So you want to survive the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?
December 04, 2009
There’s nothing like the undead roaming the earth and feasting on the living to ruin your day.
Just ask the cast of new film Zombieland. But it needn’t be a total drag. JONATHAN ROBERTS takes on the role of FiRST’s resident Zombieologist to give you some simple advice.
1. The Basics
Nobody likes zombies. They’re pests, shambling about and getting in the way and trying to eat you. All zombie movies will tell you that the only sure-fire way to kill a zombie is to destroy the head. Anything else just slows them. Aim for their brains before they eat yours
2. Guns
This is what the movies don’t tell you. Despite the initial fun, there’s little happiness to be had from a warm gun.
Guns need ammunition, can jam and require much maintenance.
More importantly is that with human civilisation disappearing, things will be a lot quieter.
Gunshots will carry even further, attracting any passing zombie in a vast area.
Then those zombies heading your way will attract more zombies and soon you’ll have a whole herd bearing down on you from all sides. You’d better pray for more bullets.
3. Blades
The obvious alternative to guns are blades. They don’t jam and can be very effective. However, you will need practice. Sewing your own arms back on is hard enough at the best of times, never mind during the end of days.
4. Getting around
You need to get out and find food and shelter. It’s okay. One technique not tried enough in the movies is just walking like a zombie. Zombies are essentially stupid. Look the part and you can walk among them unbothered.
Look dishevelled, deeply unwell, wear a haunted look and stumble around as though you have been drinking elephant tranquillisers for months. Actually, just go out dressed as Amy Winehouse. You’ll be fine.
5. Complacency
If anything is more likely to make you a meal for the undead, it’s letting your guard down.
Zombie movies will often teach you no matter how nice or safe a place you manage to settle in, always lock the doors.
GIVE AWAY
WIN ZOMBIELAND MOVIE PASSES
We are giving away 10 pairs of in-season passes for the movie Zombieland, courtesy of Sony Pictures.
To win, call Infoline at 1900-9140801 and answer this simple question:
Name the actor who starred in The Squid And The Whale.
1. Jesse Eisenberg
2. Michael Cera
3. Jay Baruchel
The contest closes on Sunday at midnight. Each call costs 20 cents.
The NewPaper