FLICK CHICK
BATTLE OF THE HOT UNDEAD
Small talk about big flicks
By Jeanmarie Tan
December 04, 2009
In the history of great rivalries – Manchester United v Liverpool, Oasis v Blur, cats v dogs – none have approached the burning debate that has divided women all over the world into warring camps.
That would be vampires vs werewolves from the Twilight universe.
Or more specifically, Team Edward vs Team Jacob.
New Moon chronicles the tortured love triangle between human teenage girl Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), her vampire BF Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and her werewolf BFF Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner).
With the release of this second instalment of Stephenie Meyer’s page-to-screen fantasy romance series, you can’t not pick a side.
Some clearly delusional Twi-hards have even defected from Team Edward to Team Jacob after watching New Moon – like one colleague (for which I’m still tsk-tsking her).
I just don’t get these Team Jacob people – it’s like choosing junk food over gourmet.
Because no matter how many points newly-buff Lautner scores for the wolf pack in the sequel, like Bella, I’ll always be ‘the vampire girl’.
Here are my very biased reasons why Team Edward beats Team Jacob fangs down:
BAD BOY IMAGE
Both have super strength and super speed, but who’s badder? Well, Edward hunts mountain lions for dinner. So, technically, he can make a snack out of Jacob.
AGE MATTERS
A mature gentleman or an angsty juvenile? Gee, what a quandary eh?
At 16, Jacob Black is two years younger than Bella.
Born in 1918, Edward is forever 17 – being undead and thus unaging – but he’s lived two lifetimes, so there’s a depth to him that Jacob doesn’t possess.
Edward ferries Bella around in his silver Volvo and quotes Romeo & Juliet verbatim, while Jacob’s idea of a romantic date is going dirt bike riding and jumping off cliffs.
WHO’S HOTTER?
Jacob may run up a body temperature of 108 degree Fahrenheit, but Edward’s still hotter.
Sure, Jacob’s pretty hot – from the neck down. Have you seen Lautner’s face? The phrase ‘langar lorry’ (hit by a lorry, in Malay) doesn’t even begin to describe it.
Pattinson, on the other hand, is the epitome of Adonis-like perfection. Come on, just look at him!
COOL FACTOR
Vampires do everything with elegance, grace and coordination, and can still look sexy-cool before, during and after a fight.
Werewolves transform from vein-throbbing, eyeball-popping half-naked men into giant hairy mutts when they get mad. Think the Incredible Hulk – just not green and with lots of fur flying.
Not a pretty sight.
WHIFF-WISE
The Cullen vampires look like they smell of Calvin Klein perfume. Heck, they look like Calvin Klein models.
On the other hand, the Quileute tribe members, as Alice Cullen puts it, smell ‘like a wet dog’.
What’s worse than your man following you around like a puppy is that he has BO.
STYLE
With Edward’s GQ-worthy ensembles, signature Ray-Bans and perfectly coiffed hair, it’s no wonder he’s the most eligible bachelor at Forks High.
Jacob’s personal style comprises denim cut-offs and sneakers, all day, every day.
AT FIRST SIGHT…
Edward’s first appearance in the Twilight movies, coolly brooding his way through the school cafeteria, sent girls into a frenzy.
Do you even remember Jacob’s first appearance, save for wondering who that weird-looking fella with the bad wig was?
THE FINAL BATTLE
Jacob’s merely the rebound guy, but Edward’s the real deal, Bella’s soulmate, the love of her life.
In New Moon, she begs Jacob not to force her to choose between them because ‘it’ll be him, it’s always been him’.
See, Team Edward wins, no contest.
The NewPaper